This morning found me at the doctor’s office, attempting to avoid the various black clouds of death circling the room as I asked for a new prescription for my allergy meds. If you don’t have allergies but always wondered what it’d be like, you should visit Florida sometime. It’s kind of like those 747′s they take people up in so they can see what it’s like to be in space, in a weightless environment…except, instead of getting to know what it’s like to be a cool astronaut, you’d find out what it’s like to see the world through watery eyes and a congested brain. It seems like just about everyone I know here has some sort of allergy. Yet another sign that Florida was never designed for human habitation, in my opinion. Anyway, back to the story. While I was talking to the doctor this morning, it came out that I’d been laid off recently. I never would have guessed, but I think people’s worries on my behalf are worse than my own worries for the situation. It’s kind of like having a very distant relative die, then having that fact come up in conversation over and over (say, because of your absence to attend the funeral). People’s sympathy is very nice, and I do appreciate it; but I don’t feel deserving of this much pity. I know unemployment is a nasty, desperate situation for many people, but I’m still hoping to land on my feet. Any day now.

Which actually brings up another point, in a seemingly contradictory way. I entered this process feeling like it was simply time to roll up my sleeves and get about the business of becoming re-employed. I still feel that way…mostly. But while I do still feel hopeful that this will end well and relatively soon for me, I’ve started to notice something slightly predatory lurking in the back of my mind. Stalking me. I’m getting whiffs of its scent, and it smells like fear. Last week it was no big deal to stay upbeat about my prospects, and I think it was largely because I had a lot to do. I got in up to the elbows, started talking to people, writing my resume, and looking around to see the lay of the land employment-wise. Things were – and are (did you see that shadow?) – going well. But this weekend, things changed subtly. I finished my resume, insofar as you can finish a thing like that, and ran out of people to talk to. I had hit the first interval of waiting since last Tuesday, and I’ll admit to feeling a little helpless about it at the time. I’m unsure about putting this in a blog post, but I can definitely see that, if this process were to drag out for months and months (or, for some, more than a year), it could turn pretty damned depressing.

Today, I also learned that keeping busy isn’t the same thing as staying productive. I have plenty of coding ideas I’ve been meaning to work on for some time now, and I took some time today to explore DNS SRV records, CouchDB, and some other fun stuff. And, while my explorations are actually done with a goal in mind, it is a personal goal, not something with which I’ll be reversing the recent financial tides. The last time I had this sort of time to spend exploring ideas, I was fresh out of school and looking for a job. I was in no particular hurry then to get started with working life, so I suppose this nagging drive to be productive wasn’t quite as well developed then. I expect retirement to be like this in some ways…

Well, I guess that’s enough semi-philosophical blathering for one night. I’m still determined not to fall through the cracks here, and there are still a lot of moves I can make. My approach here so far is still self-directed and voluntary, to a large degree. So, if you’re thinking of offering condolences like you would for a recently deceased fifth cousin, twice removed…don’t worry, I’m still fighting.

So, we wait. Waiting is a little disconcerting after running so hard the first few days, but in the meantime, I’m getting feedback on my resume, and trying to spit-polish it until it glows. I’m also doing a little professional self-improvement in the meantime, and taking advantage of the time to clean up some loose odds and ends related to family IT support.

This probably isn’t the most thrilling post to read, and I think that’s somewhat appropriate to the mood of the day. I’m still humming with excitement and hope, but for now I have to be patient.

Seriously, though, Day 2 was another very full day. I heard from a couple more people from the Maven and CodeHaus OSS communities (thanks for the warm wishes), and spent some time chasing down promising initial job leads. It’s a little depressing just how little IT industry there is here in Gainesville, but what do I really expect from a town whose university seems to still run on Microsoft and mainframes, and where the remainder of industry focuses on healthcare (read: medical devices). As a result, I’m beginning to explore more of a – shall we say – national scope in the job hunt. After all the chucks on the shoulder in the last two days, I have to say I’m feeling cautiously hopeful that this won’t be as bad as it could be.

Another big thing that took place today was the Reading of the Severance Agreement. Legalese is so fun! I popped up some popcorn, and dug in. I understand people are just doing a lot of CYA and it’s probably a result of long experience, but the things in these agreements are a little chilling. We “reached an amicable agreement” as a result of the contract to that effect, but it was an interesting read. So, that’s the end from the OldCo side of things, and all that’s left by way of sweeping up is deciding what I think certain stock options are likely to be worth, and determining whether COBRA is worth handing over my firstborn child to get (with interest, since I don’t have one yet).

Tomorrow’s another very interesting, not-nearly-as-depressing-as-I-feared day, and all joking aside, I can’t wait.

Oh, and as an aside, I started looking in earnest at Ruby on Rails today. I know, I know, what’s next for me? Maybe that new-fangled Micro-Wave? Well, let’s not be hasty. Honestly, can this framework really be as dead easy and still be reasonably performant?? In intend to find out tomorrow, if there’s any time at the end of the day.

Until tomorrow, sleep well everyone.

The next order of business was filing for unemployment benefits. I’ve heard that this can take a few weeks to come through, and living in Florida I’m sure a few weeks is optimistic, so I figured that should be the first priority. Maybe – hopefully – I won’t really need it, but the last thing I need is to be conquered by my own overconfidence at this point. Florida, if you’re listening, you should really spend a little more time thinking about the validation of web forms…if questions only need to be answered when a previous question is answered “Yes”, don’t force me to fill out those fields after I start off with a “No”. It’s just confusing all around, and makes people think you don’t really know what you’re doing…

After that very involved and overly confusing process was finished, I waded into the thicket that was my resume. It’s hard to believe how out-of-date something can get when it’s neglected for six years. I know, I know, the first commandment for IT workers is Always Keep Thy Resume Up-To-Date. What can I say, I was overcome by a mixture of optimism, overconfidence, and denial. After outlining, researching, and writing this up, I think I’m finally ready to start sending it out to everyone and everything that will stand still long enough…first thing tomorrow morning.

As a closing note, I thought I’d indulge my philosophical side for a minute. Have you ever noticed how long it takes things to start up, and how quickly they end? I’m not just talking about The Phone Call yesterday; I’m talking about the fact that The Phone Call was only yesterday, and by lunchtime today I was looking at an envelope containing my severance agreement. By contrast, my unemployment benefits will probably walk here from Seattle. I guess it all comes down to motivation.

All of the responses I’ve gotten from friends and family so far have been of the “I’m so sorry”, “You’ll find another job, don’t worry”, “Do you need any money?” genre. I appreciate the sympathy from everyone, and no, I don’t need any money (yet). Thanks for your warm thoughts, everyone.

On the other hand, I feel like the clock has been ticking down on this one ever since I took my first job at a start-up. An absolutely shocking number of start-ups die with a whimper, compared to the one or two that make it to daylight, and I’ve never had any illusions about what that would mean for me as an employee. Funding runs out, boards of directors become unhappy with business models, etc. etc. When I first left my relatively stable job (where I’d just survived a round of lay-offs) for one in a start-up, I started socking away money for this very day. Also, as a side effect of our emerging eco-consciousness, we’ve been trying like crazy to live a less cash-intensive life in preparation for a day when we might try something different and less, well, profitable employment-wise.

Now all that preparation will start to pay its dividends.

I’m still getting my head around this whole thing, and trying to make a plan that I can follow to land the best job possible with the best net result for the family, under the circumstances. I plan to log my thoughts here as I slog through unemployment, job applications, resume writing, and so on. Maybe it’ll make for an interesting read someday when I’m able to look back and laugh about this.